Control
The distinction we must make
Earlier this week, I reflected on the arbitrary and manufactured nature of good versus evil.
I touched on a belief that we too often simplify complex problems into binary choices, creating hard lines that promote division and divisiveness.
However, there is a macro practice rooted in binary thinking that can help us live a more understanding life: differentiating between what we can control and what we cannot.
If Stoic philosophy can be distilled down to one message, it is this.
“The chief task in life is simply this: to identify and separate matters so that I can say clearly to myself which are externals not under my control, and which have to do with the choices I actually control.” — Epictetus
Life is unpredictable. Most of what happens to us is impossible to control. The weather. The economy. The mood of others. The actions of our boss.
It is so easy to let outside inconveniences disrupt our day.
You were cut off in traffic. Your train is running late. The barista made you the wrong coffee. These are things you cannot control.
However, you can control how you respond.
Inconveniences can and will plague us daily. The Stoics knew this 2,000 years ago. They recognized the power we cede to external factors when we become affected by outside fodder—how external factors can spiral a day, a week, or a life.
That is why we must differentiate between what we can and can’t control, allowing for a recognition of the latter so we can focus on the former.
Focus on what is within your control. Your attitudes. Your emotions. Your values.
Become steadfast in a belief in yourself; unwavering when you are challenged or pushed by outside forces.
The Stoics believed that, despite being powerless over their external conditions, humans always retained the ability to choose how they responded.
No one makes us angry, powerless, or upset. We create these feelings for ourselves when we surrender control of our emotions.
The path to changing the world starts with mastering ourselves.
When we let go of the external and commit to what’s in our control, we become not only content but powerful.
Retreating into ourselves becomes our greatest advantage and deepest well of peace.
Become unflappable.
“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” — Marcus Aurelius
This really resonates with me because it’s one of the main ways I try to approach life. However, it’s taken me a long time to really embrace and truly live this philosophy. I first learned about a similar concept when I studied Albert Ellis and Rational Emotive Therapy (RET) in a college Psychology class. The professor told us that Ellis believed that nothing in life was inherently stressful but it was our interpretation of events that caused stress. I have a magnet in my office that says “Worrying is like a rocking chair: it gives us something to do but it doesn’t get us anywhere.” I remember listening to an elite triathlete talk to a marathon training team I was on and she was talking about how many things we cannot control during the marathon like the weather, the sounds of the person running next to us, the look a spectator gives us, etc. She urged us to not spend any precious energy worrying anything that was out of our control. It really improved my marathon experiences tremendously.